On the surface, Ethan was a model student. His grades were impeccable—straight A’s across the board. He was always the first to finish his assignments, consistently aced his tests, and never missed a day of school. His parents were incredibly proud of him.

But there was another side to Ethan that was less visible. While he excelled in academics, his behavior toward others was less commendable. Ethan was often dismissive of his classmates, especially those who struggled in school. He didn’t see the point in helping others, preferring to focus on his own work. If a group project was assigned, he would either take over completely, disregarding his teammates’ contributions, or he would ignore them altogether. During recess, he was known to exclude others from games, mocking those who weren’t as fast or as skilled.

Ethan’s parents assumed that because he was doing so well academically in school, everything else must be fine. They never asked how he treated others or how he felt about his classmates. To them, the report card was all that mattered.

When Ethan moved on to middle school, the pattern continued. He still excelled academically, but his lack of social skills became more pronounced. His classmates grew increasingly resentful of his arrogance and lack of empathy. He found himself isolated, with few friends who genuinely liked him. Even the teachers who had once praised him began to see the cracks in his character. Group projects became a nightmare for his classmates, who dreaded working with him. Teachers began to see that Ethan’s single-minded focus on academics was coming at a high cost, but the system still rewarded him for his grades, and so nothing changed.

The turning point came during a school-wide event in eighth grade. The students were tasked with organizing a charity drive for a local shelter. Ethan was assigned as the project leader because of his strong academic record. However, instead of leading by example, Ethan treated the project like another assignment. He divided the tasks without consulting anyone, focusing solely on efficiency and results. He ignored the opinions and ideas of others, dismissing them as irrelevant. When some students struggled with their tasks, he criticized them harshly, rather than offering help or encouragement. On the day of the event, several students did not show up. The drive, which was supposed to be a collaborative effort, turned into a stressful experience for everyone involved.

In a meeting with Ethan’s parents afterwards, we all agreed that we had focused too much on Ethan’s outstanding grades and not enough on his character.  At the end of the meeting, we were united in our efforts to enhance Ethan’s character.  We committed to teaching him that courage, generosity, and responsibility were qualities that were just as vital for his future as academic achievement.

Slowly, Ethan began to change. It wasn’t easy, and there were setbacks along the way. But as he started to understand the value of good character, he found that people responded to him differently. He made friends, not because of his grades, but because he was learning to be a better person. Group projects became opportunities to collaborate rather than dominate, and he began to enjoy working with others.

By the time Ethan reached high school, he was still a strong student, but he was no longer defined solely by his grades. He had learned that being smart wasn’t enough—you also needed to be kind, respectful, and willing to help others. His report cards still mattered, but they were no longer the only measure of his success. And in the process, Ethan discovered that life was richer and more fulfilling when you were as proud of your character as you were of your accomplishments.

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Coming Next Wednesday– Why Schools Should Grade for Both Academics and Character

 From our first posting:

“As parents and teachers, we need to reclaim our traditional role as influencers of our children – not by shouting louder than the influencers our children discover online, but by stressing ideas that are more important than fancy shoes and snappy TikTok tunes. We need to emphasize traits that everyone agrees children will honor.  We need to convince our children that the people who are most important to them have a better understanding of what it takes to be successful in life.”

John Zurn began his educational career teaching fourth, fifth, and sixth grade children in K through 8^th grade independent school settings.   He went on to serve as Head of School for three independent schools over a twenty-eight year period.   John has written a book on a comprehensive school-wide character education program which was published in 2022 and updated in 2024.  He is currently working on a book directed towards teaching Traits for Success to students in grades 4 through 8.

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