John Zurn
Educational Author- School Consultant
Parenting is undoubtedly one of the most challenging tasks most of us will face. Our children start entirely dependent on our ability and willingness to feed, bathe, clothe, love, and care for all their infant needs. As children grow, they gradually distance themselves from their parents. A cornerstone of Maria Montessori’s work with young children builds on the recognition that “little children, from the moment they are weaned, are making their way towards independence.” [i]
However, there is no single, well-worn path for encouraging successful independence with a child. Instead, children constantly challenge parents to consider what is too little and too much independence.
Do I allow my child to watch TV, play video games, or explore the Internet?
Should I allow my child to stay up late for the Super Bowl, complete her homework past bedtime, or finish a meal without eating vegetables?
Can my child stay overnight at grandma’s house, a friend’s house, or a group slumber party?
At what age is my child independent enough to manage a cell phone, a credit card, or an automobile?
At the same time, some parents can do too much for their children. A good measure of independence should be that if a child can handle a challenge, let them do it; indeed, expect them to do it. One of the most critical aspects of growing up is the self-confidence a child gains in transitioning from dependence to independence. At some point in their lives, children need to know that they can keep their room clean, feed themselves, do their wash, take care of a pet, and go to bed at an appropriate time.
So, what is the level of independence expected of a 5 year old, a 10 year old, or a 15 year old child in the classroom? Much of this is dependent on teacher expectation. Teachers need to think deeply about the independence expected from their students, then assess where each individual student lives up to these levels of independence. Independence, like every other Success Trait, needs to be explicitly taught in the classroom. Teachers who expect independence without teaching what that means lose the confidence of parents.
Parents, in turn, need to listen closely to a teacher assessment regardless of the teacher’s skill in delivering the closest approximation. If thirty students get assignments turned in on time and yours does not, your child may not be independent enough. If twenty students arrive in the classroom on time each day and your child misses the start of just one class, your child may have a problem. Parents should always ask and be informed of where the child stands in relation to other children in the class. If other children in the class get it and yours does not, there is an issue that might be addressed.
Reporting back to parents about a student’s levels of independence is critical for addressing the dialogue with an over-protective parent. When a teacher has already listed a primary class-wide goal of building independence, future conversations with parents become far more effective.
A typical report might list three to five levels of independence expected at any single time. More than that amount is hard to articulate to children and to parents. A teacher who expects more than three to five specific levels of independence might ask if their expectations are higher than the children’s ability to commit to those levels of independence (as well as the teacher’s ability to emphasize that many lessons in class).
Below is a listing of report card items that might be put on a report card at three age levels.
Independence that might be expected of a 5 year old:
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- Gets to class/school on time.
- Brings appropriate material to the class.
- Brings appropriate material home.
- Eats a healthy lunch.
- Has a solid understanding of reading/writing/math issues.
- Acts appropriately in the classroom.
- This child is organized, attentive, independent, courageous, etc……understands and acts on success traits. (Be careful here not to place too high an expectation on children by emphasizing more than can be understood, acted on, and assessed. If a teacher lists twenty expectations for success, each one should be a part of daily instruction. If a teacher does not actively talk about an issue, it cannot be considered a teacher’s emphasis.)
Independence that might be expected of a 10 year old:
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- Gets to class/school on time.
- Gets started with classwork in a timely manner.
- Completes schoolwork and homework with a similar consistency.
- Eats a healthy lunch.
- Moves well between classes and topics in a class.
- Interacts well with classmates.
- Asks for help when stymied.
Independence that might be expected of a 15 year old:
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- Gets to class on time.
- Has a developing “voice” in his writing.
- Completes classwork in a timely fashion
- Works well on his/her own.
- Understands and acts on issues of plagiarism.
- Acts appropriately in the classroom.
- Interacts well with classmates.
- Is developing an appropriate. sense of personal strengths and challenges.
- Asks for help when stymied.
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Coming Next Wednesday- How to Grade for Collaboration
From our first posting:
“As parents and teachers, we need to reclaim our traditional role as influencers of our children – not by shouting louder than the influencers our children discover online, but by stressing ideas that are more important than fancy shoes and snappy TikTok tunes. We need to emphasize traits that everyone agrees children will honor. We need to convince our children that the people who are most important to them have a better understanding of what it takes to be successful in life.”
#charactereducation #successtraits #parentingtips #homeschooling #teachertips